The Girl Who Cried "PIG!" Learns to Shut Her Fat Mouth

Warning: This post is most likely contagious. If you intend to read on first grab a mask, a bottle of hand sanitizer, and a handful of Vitamin C. Oh, and have you had your flu shot?

I didn't. And neither did my kiddos. For three reasons.

Reason #1: Sometimes I think flu shots are just the result of dirty rotten propaganda spread by money-grubbing pharmaceutical companies.

Reason #2: I think as a society we have become a little overly occupied about germs. I can't help but laugh at the moms who trail behind their kids at the park spraying them down with hand sanitizer any time they plop off a slide or swing. Ridiculous.

Reason #3: Apparently Northern Nevada is so remote they kind of forgot to send any flu vaccinations this way. In spite of Reason #1 and #2, being the good mom I am I asked our doctor about getting my pregnant self, my asthmatic son, and two girls vaccinated only to be told "Sorry. We don't have any".

No big deal. We'll live.

Then January came. Now I'm wondering.

Earlier this week I found myself asking audibly to no one in particular "What else can go wrong?!" I've learned my lesson. I'm not asking anymore because I keep getting answered.

Shutting. Mouth. Now.

It all began last week with Dee having the nastiest case of pink eye I have ever seen.

Hold up! It started earlier than that...

Ten months ago my husband and I...put an order in with the stork and were blessed with a "response".

At the same time the "response" was making its presence known on a little home pregnancy test, we found ourselves separated by over 700 miles. Joe was in Nevada beginning a new job and finding us a home in our new town and me in Arizona packing up our entire household whilst trying to keep three--make that four now--children alive. The move was hard and long and stressful, but completed semi-successfully.

Fast forward seven months and we discover we are moving again. Sure the timing is insane with a baby due anytime, but we're tough! We can do this! Bring it.

And oh my. Has it ever been BBBBB-ROUGHT!

Dee had nasty yucky pink eye last week.

Our medical insurance ended up not covering nearly as much as we thought it would for this baby. Bummer.

Then we found out Joe's dad was going in for a simple in-and-out gallbladder removal. What was supposed to be "simple" and "in-and-out" has turned into a daily saga of surgery and suspense. His dad ended up being cut open to have the offending gallbladder removed, only to have someone stick a staple in a wrong place, damaging something important and causing liver issues. After several other procedures and a surgery or two (to be honest, I'm beginning to lose track) he was ambulated to a different hospital in Utah where hopefully no one else can screw anything up and they can piece Joe's dad back together again. Hearing the words "possible liver transplant" makes one slightly nervous.

Our one and only personal computer suffered a toddler takedown. The withdrawal shakes are just beginning to die down. I have missed my bloggy buddies! And did you realize how often we use the internet to look up the littlest things? And in the middle of a move when I am trying to find a house, the new school system, church, utility options, etc. Wow.

Really, it has been a mixed blessing that the computer has been out of commission. My hands have been completely full with sick kiddos. Four nights ago I put Elle to bed as a perfectly happy and healthy two year old. Within four hours she crept into our bed feverish and coughing that nasty croupy cough. Croup? Again?! Ugh. Okay. The baby may be due in a week and we are moving a week after that, but I can handle croup. It's just a wait-it-out kind of thing. Right?

As the days stretched on and her fever and cough worsened, my mommy instincts prickled. To the doctor's office we went where we found out Elle has the H1N1 virus. Yep. Make that swine flu. Awesome.

Not even the doctor would touch her. Fortunately he at least stayed in the room long enough to write out a prescription for her and the other two kids in hopes of preventing further spreading of swiny sickness. Then he high-tailed it out of there as quick as possible. Real comforting Doc.

He even had the gall to tell me to avoid contact with Elle so as to keep myself healthy. He tells me this as my poor little zombie daughter is laying curled around my belly and shoulders. Stay away from my sick baby??? Obviously he has never been a mom.

We like to share in our family. Especially germs. Four year old Jeigh was next. Fortunately she isn't quite as bad as Elle. And Elle is bad. I feel like I may literally explode every now and then from the sheer fear and exhaustion that comes from holding a feverish, gasping toddler through four subsequent sleepless nights.

Dee's sixth birthday was yesterday and I'm afraid the sleeplessness and stress has left Mommy in less than a celebratory mood. His little birthday, which he has been so excited for this year more than any other year, has taken a back seat to sick sisters. I know he will get over it, but it makes me sad to not be free to make his special day a big deal.

In the midst of all this, there is a sweet little baby taking refuge in my belly threatening to come any day. Two weeks ago, as her due date crept closer and closer, I was mildly irritated that she wasn't making her glorious appearance in a timely manner giving me time to recover for our move. Now I feel relief for each day that passes with her still safely tucked inside. She can stay in there as long as she wants!

Well...that's not totally true. If she doesn't come on her own by Wednesday the 19th, I am scheduled for a "two-day induction" (doesn't that sound positively gruesome?). The induction is a heartbreaking event in and of itself for me, but that's a different post for a different day.

As sickness and stress has swirled around us, I have begun to laugh, hysterically sometimes. I mean REALLY! What ELSE can go wrong?!?

When I looked into Elle's goopy, red, teary eyes last night and realized she had pink eye on top of H1N1...

I'm not asking anymore. I'm not even giving the fates a chance to grasp onto anything.

Anyone actually still reading my novel here? You mean you haven't exited as hastily as possible in hopes of saving yourselves?

I know this is a long drawn out post of woe. It probably appears that I am whining. Maybe I am a little, but the reason I write this post (on Joe's work computer no less) is first of all for posterity's sake. You can't make this stuff up.

Also, I KNOW that we will make it through this very troubled time. And then we will look back on this and laugh and laugh and laugh, maybe with less hysteria and more relief.

I hope we realize that because we were able to make it through this, we can do other hard things that will most definitely come in our lives. And I hope that we can be grateful for the good things that have happened in this time.

Things like the baby NOT coming in the midst of the disease and distress.

Things like my family showing love, faith, and support with prayers, fasting, and phone calls.

Things like friends lending sympathetic ears and shoulders.

Things like meals from church members.

Things like Dee, who tends to be the sickest out of the kids, staying healthy thus far {fingers crossed}.

Things like being able to laugh, even if it is hysterically, instead of cry at everything.

Things like sweet little toddlers who cuddle even more and are extra sweet when they are sick.

Things like helpful little four year olds who think it's fun to play nurse and help Mommy.

Yep. Life is good. Or at least it will be in February.

P.S. I am taking the comments option off of this post. I didn't write this hoping you all would gush over my sorrows and tell me how bad you feel for me. It has been good for me to just get it out and in words. Somehow it makes it slightly more manageable. But if you really want to send bottles of hand sanitizer or better yet chocolate...my address is... ;)

I'm Dreaming of a White {Trailer Trash} Christmas: An Exercise in Randomness

I hear a little randomness goes great with a mug of hot chocolate.

We were going to try to pull a fast one on our kiddos this year. We want to spend the holiday with our families in Idaho, but don't want to transport all the Christmas goodies there and back. We were going to try to convince them that TODAY is Christmas Eve and that Santa would be visiting our humble little trailer tonight, but Dee (bless his heart) is getting much too smart. He has been counting down the days until Christmas...

...Which I love that he is doing! He's putting the magic back into Christmas for me this year...

...That and all the snow we have seen over the last month or two. I am so happy to be back in snow country! Have I already mentioned that once...or twice...or more?

Joe just accepted a job offer in another state which happens to tote "The Greatest Snow on Earth". They wanted him to start January 10th, but seeing as we have a baby due January 17th, he was able to push the start date back to January 31st. If she isn't nine days late like her sister was, that gives me almost two whole weeks to have a baby, recover, and pack up and move my household.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared out of my ever-lovin' mind.

I could sure use some of that pioneer spirit I hopefully inherited from my ancestors.

We Mormons (I'm Mormon. Did I mention that?) put our pioneers up on pedestals. They were hardcore. They gave birth to their babies WHILE they were moving. Minus the epidurals.

And where did they move? To Utah. Which is where we are moving. Mormon country. Sure, I am a Mormon, but I never pictured myself being a "Utah girl". I sure hope my self-esteem can handle it. That and my very flat and fine hair. I might have to buy my first Bump-It...

...And figure out a very non-Mormon name for my baby. Seeing as I already have a "Deacon", "Eliza Jane", and "Lydia", all very Mormon-y and pioneer-y names, I hope they won't laugh me out of the state before I can unpack the first box at our new place...

...Which I vow will NOT be another yard-less trailer like the one we live in now...

...where we will be celebrating Christmas...

...a day early...

...because thankfully Dee is one trusting little guy.

How's your hot chocolate?