I haven't been sleeping well lately. Lately meaning: years. (Thanks again Dad for the inherited case of insomnia.) When I wake up my brain immediately clicks on, ready to tackle issues. Issues I try to ignore during the day.
Issues like how we watch way too much TV, the kids in one room and me in another. I think it may be time to cancel our satellite service.
Issues like how we aren't reading books in spite of the pile from the library that is collecting dust on the shelf.
Issues like what a crummy housekeeper I am.
Issues like how pathetic my personal prayers and scripture study have been. Too busy watching TV I suppose.
Issues like saving for retirement and losing weight and trying new recipes and working harder to build better relationships with family and friends and cleaning that junk heap of a room and the End of Days and natural child birth and getting more involved in politics and being nicer to the neighbor kids and working harder to be a better Primary teacher and this and that and then some more of those...
And then I get overwhelmed and fall back asleep in a hopeless mess.
I have been having a difficult time keeping up in the blogging world (have you noticed?), partly because of my crummy, unbearably slow, irritatingly unreliable, terrible, no-good internet service and partly because of my level of ambition. I keep wondering...when this baby comes, is the effort and energy and time spent on the baby going to completely replace my blogging? And is that how it should be?
'Tis time to simplify I think. Now to have the chops to do it...
I wish we lived really close to each other. I feel like we'd get along smashingly.
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah, girl. I feel ya.
ReplyDeleteAnd honestly, if you're struggling to blog now, don't expect to do it at all after baby. Lil' Miss is almost 5 months and I'm just barely getting my mojo back.
But it's OKAY. Really.
Oh I so feel your pains. Every. single. one. of. them. Wish I had answers for you. Good luck and I'll be praying for you! (And me..)
ReplyDeleteI hear ya sistah. My mother in law (who raised 9 kids) is a good reminder to me about how life will one day slow way down and we'll be wishing for the days of chaos we're currently in. For so many years so many people needed her and now (she's 72), her life is so quiet and she says it's hard to feel needed. I try to remember that when I'm having one of those days or weeks or months or years...
ReplyDeleteAt any rate, hang in there and know you're not alone.
Just breathe. #1 - you are pregnant. You don't have to be even slightly functional until year 1 of the baby's life is over. #2 - you are a mother to other children. You don't have to feel pressure to be the perfect mom because YOU ARE A MOM. It's hard. Really hard. #3 You are a wife. Men are hard to maintain. It's a fact. Especially because you were a wife before you were a mother and it's important to remember that. #4 You are a daughter of God. And that is ALL that matters because HE loves you regardless of your tv watching or lack of library book reading.
ReplyDeleteSo just breathe. You can do all of it and more. But it really is okay to do less.
I hope "simplifying" doesn't mean giving up your blog completely. That would make me sad!
ReplyDeleteUmmmm.... you think you're behind on your blogging? I didn't even know you were pregnant until I saw Carrie's comment!!!.... did I? Oh heck, I don't know.
ReplyDelete*sigh* Well, sorry bout that. Umm.... congrats!
And hang in there. We all go through phases like this. Sometimes they seem like they'll never end, but they do!