My Yummy Valentine

I've noticed a developing trend in our home on Valentine's Day. In fact, I might even be bold enough to say we have a true "Day of Love" tradition! Ooo! I'm a sucker for a good tradition. Especially a tradition that involves food.

For the past several years we have skipped the romantic dinner out for two and opted instead for a fun family dinner at home. Sure, this means more work for me as the primary food preparer in our home, but I find I quite enjoy it, especially as I feel this culinary contribution is my own special valentine to the ones I love the most. The way to your family's hearts are through their stomachs, right?



Don't you love my fancy china?

Last year my yummy valentine was mini-meatloaves (with ketchup on top shaped in a heart), mashed potatoes (with heart-shaped pieces of cheese on top), and kiwi and strawberry slices (which almost look like hearts if you really use your imagination).

This year I stepped it up a notch and I'm not sure if I'll ever be able to top it (even with heart-shaped cheese).

My Yummy Valentine 2013 Menu:

Drink:

Personal choice (everyone was thrilled to be allowed to drink soda)

Appetizer:

Caesar salad (and regular salad for Dee)

Main course:

New York Steak with a garlic/parsley compound butter

Steamed Snow King Crab legs (so sweet and salty already, no butter necessary)

Creamy Garlic Mashed Potatoes

Roasted Asparagus

Garlic Cheddar Biscuits (made from scratch)

Dessert:

Flan

Valentine's candy

Not to toot my own horn, but the food was DELICIOUS! Joe prepared the steak perfectly--it was tender and tasty--and I made everything else. This was the first time I've ever made garlic mashed potatoes or prepared crab legs. If I had known how easy both of these are to make...I would've been doing this for years! I'm a big fan of crab meat, but because of the expense rarely eat it at a restaurant. This was our children's first experience with crab and they really liked it too. I do believe we will be having more crab legs at home in the future.

The kids trying to figure out how to get the crab meat out of the shells.

The flan was so-so. I used the recipe out of my Better Homes and Gardens cookbook. It was underwhelming and almost tasteless. I'll have to try a different recipe next time. Or find a sweet little old Mexican lady to make it for me.

While everyone really liked the food, it was the table that was the highlight for my children. I spread out a tablecloth (a true rarity at our house) and used some special square paper plates I found at the dollar store. I gathered a few candles for the middle and spread some valentine candy down the length of the table. Not incredibly fancy, but something out of the ordinary.

But the crowning touch was the goblets. The kids were over-the-moon about them. And that's exactly why I bought them for our dinner. How often do you get to drink out of a goblet? I remember being pretty thrilled with the chance to swig out of stemware when I was a kid too. It's the little things that are magical. (And thank you, Dollar Store, for relieving any anxiety over possibly broken goblets. "No worries. It was only a dollar.")

The fancy table inspired the womenfolk to get gussied up. All the girls put on their dresses and "jewels".

It was a lovely dinner for a perfectly lovely way to spend an evening of love with the love of my life and the four little loves that are a result of our love! LOVE! LOVE! LOVE!

Love is...

At 17 years old I knew what love was.

Turns out, I was wrong.

Then at 22, as a newlywed, I just KNEW what love was.

Wrong again.

Now, I'm 31, still married with four children, and I certainly know what love is.

Love is...

...tag teaming bath night.
...listening to country music even though you hate country music.
...saving the biggest piece of meat/peanut butter candy/Milano cookie for him.
...watching your husband dance with another girl...your daughter.
...going to Stake Conference with four young children.
...eating sushi when you'd rather have "real food".
...sitting through Les Miserables/Twilight/Pride and Prejudice.
...saying "no".
...saying "yes".
...laughing during *cough* loooove-making *cough*.
...calling to check-in every night.
...siding with your spouse.
...driving a beat-up mini-van instead of a brand new Ford pickup.
...staying home.
...shaving your legs even though it isn't Sunday.
...not having to shave your legs.
...emptying the dishwasher.
...TWO boxes of chocolate just to make sure she gets the kind she really likes.
...making chocolate chip pancakes for the kids while she goes for a run.
...knowing when to let the stupid, little things slide.
...giving your wife, who is applying mascara, a warning BEFORE stopping the car.
...looking past stretch marks and saggy, deflated, post-baby breasts.
...knowing when to keep it to yourself.
...cutting your shower short so there's enough hot water left for someone else.
...replacing the toilet paper roll the "right" way.
...leaving tomatoes off half of the dinner.
...knowing lost wedding bands don't really matter in the long run.
...not using the "D" word.
...bringing in the mail, pumping gas, and shoveling snow.
...trying to replicate his mother's recipe.
...telling your children how wonderful their mother/father is.
...leftovers and Netflix.
...not cutting your hair because he likes it long.
...clearing the table after dinner.
...never, ever, ever giving up, even when the rest of the world seems to be.

That's what I think love is. But maybe when I'm 83, I'll really know.

No Bake Cookies (Dairy and Gluten Free!)

No Bake Cookies. Cow Pie Cookies. Gorilla Poop.

Call them what you will, these little treats are too yummy and too easy to whip up. And yes, I do say "too easy" as in "too easy to completely destroy my healthy eating plans". They're packed full of sugar and peanut butter and that's probably why they taste so darn good.

I hear there is a healthier--yet still delicious--recipe out there disguised under the name "Energy Bites". I intend to give them a try on a day when I have a little more willpower. But today we're making No Bakes and I'm wandering down Memory Lane as this was one of the first recipes I remember making on my own as a kid.

Now that I have kids of my own, things are a tad more complicated. With one that can't have milk and another that can't have gluten, I look for ways to make my old favorite recipes work. With a little butter-flavored shortening, some almond milk, and a lot of gluten-free oats this one WORKS!

Gluten Free/Dairy Free No Bake Cookies:
(Adapted from Six Sisters' Stuff No Bake Cookies recipe)

In a medium saucepan, mix and bring to a boil for one minute:
2 Cups sugar
2 TBSP shortening (or butter)
2 TBSP cocoa
1/2 cup almond milk (or soy milk or cow's milk)

Remove from stove top and add:
1/4 tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanilla
3/4 cup peanut butter (crunchy or creamy)

Mix ingredients until most of peanut butter is combined.

Add 2 cups of Quick Rolled Oats (Gluten Free) and mix until all is evenly incorporated. Drop by spoonfuls onto wax paper on counter top. Cookies will "set up" as they cool.  

I don't understand how this works, but these cookies taste even better the day after they are made. My advice? Make a double batch so you have more for tomorrow. ;)

P.S. Make sure to visit my weight loss blog for the healthier Energy Bites recipe.

Bald is Beautiful?

They say "Bald is beautiful!" And the menfolk in my house whole-heartedly agree. My husband does not shed tears over a rapidly receding hairline. In fact, he embraces it. He cuts his own hair short short short and is looking forward to the day when it's all gone. Which, honestly, isn't too far off.

But the man is 31 years old. It's the time and season. While I don't care for his military length, I admire his positive outlook on what most of the world bemoans as a curse.

I just wish he would stop sharing his "bald is beautiful" mantra with our eight year old son. Bald is NOT beautiful when you are eight.

Dee has been begging and begging to go bald for a few months. At first I flat out refused. But he still pleaded. So I resorted to bargaining. If he would at least wait until after his baptism, then I would shave his head. I had hoped with time he would forget his "cue-ball quest", but it only seemed to intensify the burning desire within.

He was pretty excited about his baptism date, but I think 37.2% of that excitement could be contributed to it being the preliminary event to Mission: Hair Be Gone. Even the morning of his baptism he asked if we could cut his hair as soon as we got home from the church. Luckily, a luncheon and a household full of people was a fairly valid excuse even for an eight year old boy with passionate pursuits. The chaos of that and a Superbowl party and the oncoming week of school stalled him for another week, but today he walked in the door from school. With hardly a breath he asked yet again, "Can I go bald now?!"

With resignation, I got my clippers out and began to remove his handsome head of hair. I even used my own pink razor and shaving cream to take every last stray follicle from his sweet little head. Throughout the entire process he cackled and screeched with delight. "No one's going to recognize me! They are going to be SO surprised! This. is. so. AWESOME!"

Seeing how happy it made him, I couldn't help but get into the spirit of things. He may have a (now painfully obvious) odd-shaped head, but with that huge happy grin on his face...bald IS beautiful. It's fun to have a change every once in awhile. Hair grows back. No harm done.

Unfortunately, his sisters don't see it the same way...

We Owe a DEBT of Gratitude to Dave Ramsey

***Note: This is a rather sensitive post. It's embarrassing to admit a problem, but my hope is that instead of opening up my family to judgement that this might help someone else who has shared the same struggles we have.

My husband and I have been married for almost ten years and have struggled with debt for probably 9.5 of 10 of those years.

I'm just going to put it plainly.

WE ARE STUPID.

Not stupid people. Just stupid about money.

I can tell you from personal experience that debt places a heavy, stifling burden on a marriage. It's just ugly and so so unnecessary with all the other junk a marriage has to endure to survive.

Without going into too great of detail, my husband and I have finally decided that ENOUGH IS ENOUGH and we are putting an end to the viciousness that is "debt". 2013 is our year! And I'm happy to report that for the first time in ten years, good things, at least concerning debt, are happening.

We are working TOGETHER. In the past, we have both tried to dig our way out, only we each tried to do it our own ways. The result was two people standing in a hole, sweating furiously, and just throwing a lot of dirt on top of each other. All that ensued was anger, frustration, despair, and even more debt.

This time we are doing it Dave Ramsey's way. We have been reading his book, "Total Money Makeover", at night before we go to bed. Not only are we learning how to handle our money, but we have a chance to spend time together and communicate. Sans four little ones. I am loving this for so many reasons.

We are following Dave's "Baby Steps". We have promised each other that we will not borrow money EVER AGAIN. We even shook on it. We saved up a $1000 emergency fund so we have something to use in case of an emergency instead of going further into debt. (You can't get out of a hole by digging more.) And now we are pushing our "Debt Snowball" down the hill. We are paying off our debts from smallest to largest, building steam with each paid debt.

And guess what?! IT'S WORKING!!! I find myself checking our bank account multiple times a day now, not because I'm scared that there's not going to be enough money there to cover all the bills, but because the bills are covered and then there's still money leftover to pay debt!

We budget now! GASP! And I actually like it!! DOUBLE GASP!! We go over our budget a couple of times a month and I print it out and hang it on our bathroom mirror so that we can look at it every day. I'm a rather visual person. I am most successful with weight loss when I make a plan and hang it somewhere I can see it constantly. This has proven just as successful with budgeting and debt. In fact, I find myself standing in our bathroom often, just staring at the budget sheets. I'm kind of obsessed. It's true that I do have an obsessive personality. For the past couple of years I have obsessed over weight loss. Now I've set my sights on debt. This isn't a bad thing if it's working.

I'm not ready to divulge just how much debt we have to pay off. Maybe I will when it's all paid off and we are ready to declare just as so many other Dave Ramsey fans have, "WE'RE DEBT FREE!". It doesn't really matter what size the debt is, it makes us slaves. Unhappy, frustrated, paranoid slaves. And we are ready to break the bonds that bind us.

That being said, please understand if we aren't as generous this year. If we don't send gifts or Christmas cards or meet up for dinner or go on trips, it's not because we don't love and cherish you. We're just trying to work with "gazelle speed" to "live like no one else NOW so we can live like no one else later". Sometimes it's embarrassing and rather painful, but our hope is someday it will all be worth it and then we can be more generous than we ever dreamed.

Jar Love #6: Fruit Fly Pest Control

Jars are pretty. They hold pretty, pretty things. And pretty nutritious things. And then sometimes, they hold not so pretty things, yet they prove for the millionth time to be pretty darn useful.

Check this out.

For the past several months we've had a problem with flies. Tiny, red, pesky flies. Just buzzing around our house, particularly the kitchen and the bathroom. They were irritating to say the least, but they made me paranoid too. Is my house dirty? Are my cleaning skills not up to par? Do I have a problem?

Finally one day I got so fed up I went online and researched the little buggers. Turns out I did have a problem and that problem was called "fruit flies". Fruit flies are attracted to produce that is sitting on your counter. So I put the produce away.

But the flies didn't go away. So I did some more research. Fruit flies can be attracted to food remaining in your garbage disposal. So I was extra diligent in making sure the disposal was clean. And the counter was clean. And the kitchen in it's entirety was clean.

But the fruit flies remained. In my bathroom too. Which was void of produce and garbage disposals anyway.

Grr.

Finally I read that cider vinegar in jars placed in areas that are fruit-fly-infested will do the trick.

Jars, you say?

I prepared my jars, placed one in the bathroom and one in the kitchen, and in one week's time my home was fruit-fly-less! And still is!

In case you have the same problem, you will need:

jar

cider vinegar

aluminum foil

Pour cider vinegar (and it must be cider vinegar! Apparently the smell resembles rotting fruit, aka fruit fly crack) into jar. You don't need much. Just enough to drown the little buggers.

Place aluminum foil over jar opening. 

Poke ONE hole into foil. (When I first did this I poked several holes and soon realized the flies were just coming and going as they pleased. My husband had the insight to change the foil and poke ONE hole. This way the flies go in, but can't quite figure how to get back out.  Not the smartest link on the food chain.)

Place jars in kitchen and bathroom.

Change out cider vinegar every couple of days.

After a week you ought to be free of your fruit-loving pests! 

Jars save the day again!

Jar Love #5: Brown Rice

Just a little more jar love...

I've been dry packing again, using THIS method.

This time it's not leftover Easter candy. (Rats!) Nutritious, gluten-free brown rice that I purchased in bulk from my local Costco will be saved nicely in smaller portions for my food storage.

Candy or rice, it all looks so pretty to me sitting in clean canning jars. My inner Little Red Hen is preening.

Helpful hint: I cut out the nutrition and preparation information from the bag and stuck it in my recipe book for future reference.

Jar Love #4: Money, Money, Money!

Later on this week, I'm going to work up the guts to share a post about money...or more specifically, debt. Until then I wanted to share this very cool idea that was floating around on Facebook at the beginning of the new year.

Undoubtedly we all have similar resolutions on New Years Day. "Save money" is always on my list, whether I'm willing to write it down or not; whether I'm willing to stick to it or not. When I saw this clever little method for saving money, I was convinced that "save money" was one resolution I could keep this year.

And it didn't hurt that a jar was involved. We all know how much I love my jars.

Here's the idea...

Print off a copy of this 52 Week Money Challenge page...

And glue or tape it to a jar.

Now, add money.

Make sure to put your jar in a highly visible place so you remember to add to it weekly. If you follow the paper exactly, you will add $1 on Week 1, $2 on Week 2, etc, etc, etc.

Or you could do the opposite. Work backwards. Add $52 on Week 1, $51 on Week 2, etc, etc, etc.

OR you could even add as you are able. Week 1, I can spare $1 for my jar, but Week 2, I can afford more and add $30 to my jar. Brilliant, no?

By Christmas time you should have a spare $1,378.00 sitting in a jar! What would you do with $1,378.00???

Dee's Baptism

On February 2, 2013, our oldest child and only son was baptized into the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I can't deny that we, as his parents, probably had a profound effect on this event taking place, but it truly was his decision to do so. For several months we have been talking with our children, particularly Dee, about why and how we are baptized. We asked him if he wanted to be baptized, making it clear that we were not forcing him to do it, and he responded with a resounding "Yes!"...as long as Daddy wouldn't let him drown. :)

I am so proud of Dee for making this choice. By being baptized he has followed the example of the Savior, he has proven his willingness to try to choose the right, and he has become a member of the LDS church, the church we believe to be the true church of Jesus Christ. My hope is that this is the first of many choices he will make in his life that will bring him closer to Heavenly Father and happiness in this life and the next.





 

Saturday was such a great day! Lots of our family came to support Dee and our family. The baptism was held at our stake center. Brother Sessions from our ward's bishopric conducted. Dee's sister, Jeigh, proudly led the music, beginning with an opening song of "I am a Child of God". Grandpa R. gave the opening prayer.

Grandpa P. gave a talk on baptism, wherein he shared the experience of his own baptism which was done in his local high school swimming pool. Another kid that was being baptized that day had to be rescued from the deep end. He reminded Dee to find something memorable that would mark this day in his mind.

Grandma R. gave a talk on the Holy Ghost. She had many objects to help Dee know how to recognize the Spirit, one of them being his favorite fuzzy blanket that was given to him as a brand new baby. Dee listened attentively to the talks. I'm not sure if he was nervous or excited or probably both. He slightly bounced in his chair with a huge grin on his face through the entire meeting.

After the talks, Aunt Erin and I sang a special musical number, "Baptism". It has been a long time since I've had the chance to sing with my sister; we used to do it all the time. It was my way of sharing in and contributing to Dee's big day.

After the musical number, Dee and his dad stepped into the font and Dee was baptized by immersion with both of his grandfathers acting as witnesses. All the little cousins and children who had come to the baptism sat near the glass surrounding the font to watch. Jeigh started cackling as Dee was submerged in the water and that set several of the children off. However irreverent, they were just voicing the excitement and energy that could be felt in the room.

While Dee and Joe changed into dry clothes, the primary president, Sister Garside, passed out papers for people to write notes of congratulation, advice, or love for Dee. When they reappeared, dried and dressed, the confirmation took place. Nine men (Joe, Grandpa R., Grandpa P., Uncle Kip, Uncle Colin, Cousin Brandon, Paula (friend), Bishop Phillips, and Brother Sessions) who hold the power of the priesthood placed their hands on Dee's head and gave him the gift of the Holy Ghost. My husband, Joe, is a humble man who gives powerful blessings. I'm always amazed at the words that come from his mouth when he is acting as the mouthpiece of God. I know they are not his own. Among many other things, he blessed Dee to do well in school, to serve as a full-time missionary someday, and reminded him how much his earthly and heavenly parents love him. Dee gave awkward, yet happy handshakes and hugs to all the men in the circle after the confirmation.



Dee and his sweet Primary teacher, Sister Spears



Brother Sessions turned some time over to Bishop Phillips and then closed the meeting. The closing song, "I'm Trying to be Like Jesus" was led again by Jeigh and the closing prayer was given by Dee's five year old cousin, Kashus. We were slightly nervous when Dee wanted to ask Kash to give the closing prayer. Kash's prayers are often...creative...and always long. This one wasn't any different, but it was a great prayer. It was obvious that Kash had been listening closely to the baptism and confirmation when he repeatedly asked that things be blessed "by the holy authority". At one point, even he got tired during his long prayer and yawned a big, loud yawn. That was the point that Dee and I lost it. I had to clamp my hand over my mouth to stop from giggling out loud. It was a memorable prayer from one fantastic kid!

Once the meeting was over we made our way to our home where we served a luncheon. Dee had requested Chicken Noodle and Minestrone Soup. Aunt Erin made a Cheese Broccoli Soup for those who CAN have milk. With about 45 people, the house was full to the brim with family and friends. Just the way we like it!

This boy is blessed to have such great friends and family in his life. He is so loved! What a special day!







Grandpa and Grandma P.

  


Grandpa and Grandma R. (and cousin London)

 


Three generations

  


These girls sure are lucky to have such a great older brother!



 





Of Bread and Baptism

Dee had his baptism interview with the bishop about a month ago. I was sick that day and had to miss it, but it was reported to me that the bishop had asked Dee to go home and "help his mom". He had scarfed all the bread I had made the day before so I told him he could help me make more. We chatted as we kneaded and I caught some of it on camera. Just when you think they aren't listening...

(Note: I do realize that Jesus was NOT the first to be baptized. In my head I was thinking, He was the "first" as in, He was setting the example for us to follow.)

(Other Note: I sure love this kid!)

Speaking of Cleaning: Men vs Women

Speaking of cleaning...

A couple of weeks ago, my husband and I sat at the dinner table with my sister and her husband who were visiting for Cee's birthday party. As we made future plans, I suddenly realized with horror that Joe's upcoming work travels would take him away for two weeks, right up until the day before Dee's baptism.

"Oh my gosh! I'm going to have so much to do, especially with you gone!", I lamented.

"What's the big deal? It's not like there's hardly anything to do. We just show up at the church, dunk the kid, and eat," was Joe's (serious) response.

"Big deal"?! "Not anything to do"?!?! ARE YOU JOKING?!

I was gratified to look across the table and see the same slack-jawed, gaped-mouth face of dismay and disbelief that was planted on my own face, reflected in my sister's face.

But she's a woman. She gets it.

My husband? He's a man. He obviously does NOT "get it".

Let's see...

There's the spiritual preparations, like having some important heart-to-hearts with Dee to make sure he understands what he's agreeing to in making the choice to be baptized. Etc.

There's the actual baptism to plan. Who's going to say the prayer? Lead the music? Give the talks? Etc, etc.

There's the luncheon after the baptism to plan. How many are we feeding? What are we eating? Now how does that fit in the budget? When can I go shopping with minimal children? Do I need to make alternatives for my food issue kids? How am I going to time everything so that all the food is done at once, but I'm not standing in the kitchen all day? Etc, etc, etc.

And the house. It needs to be cleaned. The basics like vacuuming and bathrooms. But then there are fingerprints all over walls and food smears on chairs. "Booby trapped" cupboards might be opened by unsuspecting victims. I still haven't put back all my decor since taking down Christmas stuff. The laundry cannot be allowed to linger. And what is that rotten smell in the kitchen? Etc, etc, etc, etc, etc.

Are we having any overnight guests? Did we remember to invite Grandma? What's the weather going to be like for out of state travelers? Is Dee's suit clean? Does he actually have any (still) white underwear? etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, etc, ETC!

And this is all on top of the regular day to day stuff! AND ALL TO BE COMPLETED IN MARRIED SINGLEHOOD SINCE THE REALLY HELPFUL MAN OF THE HOUSE WILL BE OUT OF TOWN FOR THE TWO WEEKS PRIOR!!

A mom's head could explode.

But a dad's...?

Well, he's just there to "dunk the kid".

He would be perfectly happy if we ate chicken nuggets while sitting on the (maybe vacuumed?) floor.

Sure, he may have the priesthood power, but I've got the power of perception and paranoia.

He will help Dee "wash away his sins". And I'll wash everything else.

I'm not complaining. (Well, maybe a little...) I'm definitely not getting all feminist-frenzied. (Oh good gravy! PLEASE let's not go there.) Nor am I belittling my efforts or burdens as a woman. And I'm not trying to disparage all the hard work my husband does to support and nurture our little family.

This is how it works--and by "works" I mean WORKS...mutually, collaboratively, harmoniously. We all play our parts and "with our powers combined" it will be a great day!

Organized Chaos

On New Year's Day I made a subconscious resolution.

I will clean my bathrooms once a week.

Of all my household chores, cleaning the bathroom has to be the worst. It's just so...involved. Stinky chemicals, all that wiping and rewiping, keeping rags separate so as not to mix "toilet germies" with "sink germies",  making sure the kids aren't getting into anything hazardous or wet in the process.

And just when you get done with the sink and toilet, you see that stupid ring around the tub. Ugh.

The way I cleaned bathrooms before was...I just really didn't. At least not that often. At least not unless I knew company was coming. Gross. I know.

So, I decided to be ambitious and make it my goal in life to have a clean bathroom, at least one day out of each week this year.

 I declared Wednesdays to now officially be known as "Watercloset Wednesdays" and so far in the year 2013, I'm 4 for 4! Go me.

(That's probably about as many times as I cleaned my bathroom in 2012. Ha...ha...)

Now that I have relatively clean bathrooms, the rest of the house begs for attention. But Wednesdays are already jam packed with all that bathroom cleaning, so now we also have...

Make-up for the Weekend Monday
Toy Room Tuesday
Watercloset/Wipe Down Switches and Knobs with Clorox Wipes Wednesday
There's Gotta be Something that Needs Cleaned Thursday
and
Fancy Free Friday

You  might think I'm joking, but my housework has never felt so manageable. I used to try to follow the Fly Lady cleaning methods, but after getting a bajillion emails from her every day (Seriously. A BAJILLION!) I marked her as "Spam". Turns out the only thing I wanted to "fling" was her.

Happy Move to Utah Day!

Two years ago today we showed up in snow-smothered Utah with a packed moving van and a week old baby. While the circumstances were less than ideal, it was one of the best things to happen to our family.

I remember that when my husband told me he had a job opportunity in Utah I was simultaneously thrilled and terrified...

Salt Lake City, Utah! Utah has to be so much better than Elko, Nevada.

And...

Salt Lake City, Utah?! Mormonville: Where all the women are snobby, fake, super crafty, thin, blond, ultra-perfect mothers and wives.

I couldn't have been more wrong. I've mentioned over and over again how blessed we have been to be here, particularly because of the wonderful people we call "neighbors" and "ward members". They are sincere, kind, genuine, and generous people who have welcomed our little family with open arms.

As shocked as I was to realize it...Salt Lake City, Utah is my happy place. I don't know how long we will end up being here. With our track record, I wouldn't be surprised if we uproot ourselves again. But whenever I think about the possibility I get a little teary, knowing how heart wrenching it will be to leave behind "our people".

This is our second anniversary since our floundering move from Nevada and it's a date I love to celebrate! Maybe I'm not the only one. Some kind, mysterious soul left a yummy dinner on our door step today! Chicken enchiladas, chips and salsa, and even some whole wheat cinnamon rolls from Great Harvest! What a touching gesture! I'm feeling so loved today!

Happy Move to Utah Day!

P.S. I was looking back to see what I was blogging about back during our move. This post still brings a tear, albeit a happy tear, to my eye.

Feeling Bad for Feeling Good

Last night I went to sleep with a warm pile of Guilt snuggled up right beside me. It smothered me and crimped my neck. It's bad breath stifled me through the night.

Have I become one of those obnoxious half-glass-full kind of people who is perpetually optimistic about life?

And at some point during the night, I realized, Yep. I have.

And I felt guilty for it.

Feeling bad for feeling good. Makes tons of sense, doesn't it?

I rolled over in bed, turning my back on the guilt, let it roll to it's own side of the bed, settle, and snore quietly through the night.

When I first started blogging, I knew how to tell a good whiny tale with my new favorite maternal outlet.

Motherhood is sooo haaard.
I don't clean my toilets.
I'm always depressed.
My kids make me crazy with messes and whining and stuff.
I hate/love/hate being a mom.

And I would get lots of comments from readers feeding my monstrous whiny-ness.

Evelyn! I love how REAL you are!
Motherhood IS hard!
You thought your day was hard? Get this...
Eat more chocolate.
It gets better.

You know what? It does get better. I'm not sure if it's because we are finishing up the baby stage and my kids are getting a little older and a little more capable. Maybe, after eight plus years, I'm finally easing into motherhood and finding I can do it with grace instead of grudge. Possible it's true that "practice makes perfect". It could even be losing 90 ish pounds has given me a new sense of confidence in myself. There could be something to getting "older and wiser". Maybe I'm actually getting some sleep at night.

Whatever it is, I feel myself changing as a mother and as a person. I no longer feel trapped and like a daily failure. I find incredible, inexpressible joy in being a stay at home mom. It's not that I love my children any more than I did before. It's that I've found huge satisfaction and peace in the work and the way of things. I've learned to let some expectations and habits go. My home is truly where my heart is and I love creating a place of nurturing for my children. My hobbies have adapted to include things like food storage, interior design, and tutoring. I am never happier than when my whole family is home, our home is comfortable (not necessarily sparkling clean, but not cluttered and chaotic), there is good food on the table, good music playing in the background, and good things happening.

This doesn't mean that I don't ever yell at my kids. Or that my home doesn't get "Hoarders"-worthy every now and then. Or that I don't burn dinner. Or that I spring out of bed with a smile every morning. Or that my children are perfectly behaved in public. Or that my husband doesn't find me slightly neurotic. Or that I don't blow the budget. Or that I don't eat chocolate behind the locked bedroom door.

I'm not sure exactly what it means. Maybe when I'm a grandma, then I'll be able to pinpoint for you why life is so good and why it seems to be so much easier to find happiness in the simplest of things these days.

But right now that guilt pokes at me and accuses me of coming across as sappy, cheesy, or fake.  When I write things whether on here or on Facebook, I am trying to be real. I want to record and share these awesome things that are happening in our life. Some days I am trying to be optimistic and see the good in things even when it doesn't feel so good.

For some stupid reason I still care what others think of me and that I possibly annoy them with my blooming satisfaction. I worry that they assume I have a perfect life or that I think I have a perfect life or that I want people to think I have a perfect life.

It bothers me that I have a few friends that only seem to comment or "like" the things I write when I'm complaining about something distressing. Honestly, it makes me wonder if they are happy to see me in my unhappy moments.

It aggravates me that I even waste the emotion on this; that I feel guilty for expressing "too much" joy and then that I feel guilty for feeling guilty. It's all a tad ridiculous, no?

"Men are that they might have joy." (2 Nephi 2:25)

We are here on this earth to be happy and to strive to be perfect like the Savior. If I am working my way towards that then I must be doing something right. And no I didn't just say I was perfect or even perfectly happy. I'm just working on getting there.

I guess what I'm trying to say in my very imperfect and meandering way is that though I'm not ready to kick Guilt out into the cold, it may just have to stay in the guest room in the basement tonight.

We Need More Ice Cream!

Tonight after dinner I let loose a bit and dished up ice cream for all the kids.

(Well, all except Dee. He's allergic to milk. I offered him his usual substitute popsicle but he vetoed it for celery and peanut butter. Celery and peanut butter instead of popsicles?! Where did I go wrong?!?)

We don't usually indulge in ice cream; in fact, I try to keep all treats to a minimum. And let me just stop you cold before you make silly assumptions about me being such a fabulous mom who is working so hard to instill healthy habits in her little ones.

Truth: I WILL EAT ALL OF IT if it is in the house. That's it. There's the reality.

But tonight was a treat. Dad's out of town. It's a Thursday night. The ice cream bucket is almost empty and taking up lots of space in the freezer. Why not? "Live and let lick" I say!

As my four little ones sat and slurped their ice cream--and celery?!--the conversation began to flow. And before three little bowls of ice cream and one bowl of peanut butter were gone, we had covered, and I believe in this order:

*where babies come from
*the Plan of Happiness
*Heavenly Father's omnipotent, yet very real and personal awareness of every single person and thing on this earth. (Jeigh pointed out that he even knows when we are having "attitudes". Dang straight he knows!)
*100+500=600
*Free Agency and why God allows people to do bad things
*What exactly "ants on a log" means
and...
*If someone chose to eat Elle she would taste like "little girl" and not "ant"

Who says junk food is all junk? I think I'm adding ice cream on to my weekly grocery list.

I Miss Blogging

And I might even be brazen enough to say blogging misses me.

It was one thing I was semi-good at and something that brought me a lot of joy. So why is it so dang hard to get to these days?

As each of my babies have made their grand entrance into the world, I have had to let go of something that was important to me. The time and effort of taking care of a new little one is nothing menial and something's gotta give. I can hardly resent my children. They, of course, are my number one priority. It's just the way of things.

With my first baby, Dee, it was scrapbooking.
With the second, Jeigh, it was my job as an Emergency Department Tech.
With Elle, it was card making.
And with Cee...blogging.

My hope is one day, some of those things will return to my daily life as my kiddos get a little older and more capable of doing things for themselves. For now, I'll grab my moments where I can get them.

So, I'm not here to make any grandiose promises that "I'm baaaack!". Let's just say, today was a good day because I got a few minutes to myself to indulge again in something I love.

Speaking of my day...It's been a productive one and I just want to record what happened so that on my not-so-productive days I can remember what it is to feel accomplished as a mom of four kids ages 8 and under.

6:45 am: Wakeup with Cee
Change and cuddle with Cee
7:00 am: Make sure kids are up and going
Prayers
Read scriptures
Eat breakfast
Check email and Facebook
Clean up sugar bowl explosion (Thank you Cee!)
Vacuum
Nag incessantly 
8:00: Take big kids to school
Bathe Cee
Clean bathrooms
Sanitize light switches, door knobs, and other surfaces
Get Elle ready for preschool
9:00: Send Elle off to preschool
Grind wheat and make bread
9:45: Run 4 miles on treadmill while catching up on "The Office"
11:00: Start second batch of bread
Bake first batch
Shower, dress, makeup
Phone call with sister
12:15: Out the door to deliver "thank you" bread and jam to someone who was an answer to a prayer
Pick up Elle from preschool/dance
12:30: Drop off dry cleaning
Share a Cafe Rio Wednesday Special (Chicken Tostadas!) with my little ladies 
Library drop-off and pick-up
1:15: Home again, jiggety, jig
Cee down for nap
Finish second batch of bread
SIT!!!
Plan, plan, plan
Read
Change and wash wet crib sheets
Comfort crying Cee
3:00: Pick up kids from school
Snack time
3:30: BLOG!
4:00: Homework
5:00: Make dinner
5:30: Eat dinner
5:45: Clean up dinner
6:15: Jeigh piano practice
6:45: Bath night
7:15: Bed time
Family scripture study
Reading
Prayers
Bedtime for four kiddos! 
8:15: Avoid thinking about No Bake Cookies and other chocolaty transgressions
9:00: Bed
Reading, Emails, Facebook, Mystery Manor
Sleep

Rinse, repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat...

Life is good!

Jar Love #1: Sunshine

I'm Not Crying

A friend of mine posted this on her Facebook page the other day. I could not stop laughing.


The Crying Competition (part 1) from Brent Hoff on Vimeo.

When we are on really long car drives and the boredom begins to wear on our sensibilities, my husband and I have crying competitions. The man wins EVERY SINGLE TIME! He has some serious skills. He could probably give the girl at the end a run for her money. Me...I just look like "The Pooper" on this video.

And while we're on the subject of crying...

Mad about Mondays

Crestfallen, Joe walked into our living room. It was Sunday evening. The end of another glorious weekend of General Conference, candy corn hillbilly teeth, marked off To Do lists, homemade stew, stolen naps, and early morning trail running.

"I don't want to go back to work tomorrow", he whined.

Patting him on the shoulder, I agreed. I didn't want to let him go back to work either. What a drag Mondays are...for the working father and the school kids.

But for the Stay at Home Mom...Mondays are glorious!

I remember feeling that pit-in-stomach dread when I was younger and had responsibilities and obligations to teachers, professors, and employers. Vaguely. That Monday morning repulsion faded long ago with the absence of deadlines and clock-ins.

No boss breaths down my neck asking for "the Johnson file".

The only ones breathing down my neck are the little ones begging for a 9 am "Snack, Mama! SNACK!!"

In the truest sense I suppose my children are my boss. And these supervisors are more whiny, critical, and demanding than most. But they're also pretty flexible and laid back. When I say, "Let's skip the house work today and play Barbies instead ", they don't mind. When we have popcorn for dinner instead of the chicken, vegetables, and potatoes that was on the meal plan, they don't complain. When one of them is sick or hurt, they'd much rather I drop everything and cuddle. Productivity be darned.

I don't mean to agitate the working moms out there, but I can't help feeling like I've hit the jackpot here. If I want to wear pajamas until noon, change into my workout clothes to exercise, shower, and then change back into a second set of pajamas...I can. If I want to interrupt my housework to take thirty pictures of a jar casting shadows on the counter top just because I think it's beautiful...I can. If I want chocolate chip cookies for lunch...then by golly I WILL have chocolate chip cookies for lunch! As long as I share of course.

Not that being a stay at home is all cookies and comfort. It can be pretty tough sometimes. The hours are long and never ending. The chores and chaos are monotonous and relentless. Many days it is too easy to feel insignificant or trapped. Sometimes I feel tremendously guilty that I'm not giving a "real" contribution to our household or world. Every now and then, I ache to return to school and the work force for the socialization, for the paycheck, or for the change of pace.

When I was a kid, my mom had a quote hanging on the wall that I read every morning as I slammed down breakfast in my rush to get out the door to school.

“The greatest work we will ever do will be within the walls of our home.”  ~Harold B. Lee

I read it over and over again until it was ingrained on my brain, but it wasn't imprinted on my heart until I was a mom. I believe my mom had it there for her own sake and sanity. Something to remind her to keep her head up in the midst of the melancholy and the maelstrom and the mediocrity.

Stay at home motherhood may not be charming every day, but today I am grateful for it and the happiness it brings me. I know that I am never as happy as when I am in my own home, working to keep it clean and comfortable, striving to be patient and loving with my children, helping them to do homework or get dressed. I feel incredible joy when my family is well-fed, my home is organized, pictures of a happy family hang on the walls, laughter and good music ring through the rooms, and love abounds from the rafters.

And if I get to wear pajamas while doing all that...Even better.

Bring it on Monday!