2.18.2013

A Dark Shade of Grey

For the most part I am a positive person.

At least I try to be.

At least I hope I am.

(A-ha! "Hope"! See? Positive!)

But today I'm having a very hard time finding the positive in anything. Wait. No. That's not true. I can see the positive. I just don't want to have much to do with it. In fact, I'd kind of like to gag it, shove it in a closet, and pretend it doesn't exist.

I blog about the great days. Why not the rough ones too?

My husband is out of town again.
I slept on my back funny and can hardly move without being in lots of pain.
When I weighed myself in this morning, I discovered the See's chocolate had found it's final resting place.
Cee has decided she's ready to potty train.
After cleaning up multiple pee accidents, I've decided I'm not.
For some asinine reason we decided it was time to take down the crib. This means Cee isn't sleeping which means no one else is either.
I'm trying to rededicate myself to eating healthy and avoiding sugar. My mood and behavior could be likened to a smoker who's trying to quit. Not pretty.
The house is trashed and despite my efforts to clean and get the kids to clean, it doesn't appear to be getting any better.
Everything is getting on my nerves, which seem to be a little closer to the surface than normal.

And it goes on and on and on.

And what makes it worse is that today is President's Day which means my kiddos are off of school. It's not worse because they're home. I actually really love having my children home. What's worse is that I can't seem to rally myself enough to be a good, fun mom on their day off of school. And that just makes my dark shade of grey mood even blacker.

We could have gone for a drive or out for a treat or played at McDonald's or played with cousins or baked cookies or gone swimming or watched movies together or pulled out board games or danced in the living room or had a cleaning party or walked around the neighborhood or had friends over or gone to the movies or to the Dollar Store or on a scavenger hunt or...or...or...

But for every fun thing, I had an excuse.

I don't want to spend any money. I'm trying to eat healthy: no treats for anybody since I can't avoid the temptation. No swimming; it's that time of the month. My back hurts. My head hurts. My patience is worn thin. The house is a mess. The kids aren't dressed. Cousins are sick. It's too cold. It's too wet. It takes too much energy.

Ugh. Today was a failure. A missed opportunity. And it's all my fault. Blah.

I keep considering putting a positive spin on this blog post (there's always something that can be gleaned even from rotten days such as these) but I'm just going to let it lie. You can't know the good, if you don't know the bad. Here's to better days in the future...as they will inevitably come.

(Dang that positivity sneaking in there!)

4 comments:

Myya said...

Blah days suck but if we didn't have them once in a while we wouldn't really appreciate good days.

Hang in there mama better days are ahead :)

Jodi said...

I had the same kind of day yesterday for a lot of the same reasons. Life just really stinks sometimes and I'm trying to teach myself that it's okay for me to feel overwhelmed, depressed, like a failure etc, etc, etc. every now and again. Because I have a lot of blessings I feel so guilty when I have one of those days/weeks/months! But, we all have our struggles and we all have our triumphs and by golly it's all okay!:) Hope we both have a better week!

Amy said...

That kind of day is the worst! Especially the beating yourself up about it bit. Aren't we, as women experts at the beating ourselves up bit? I am so glad you shared this, though. It may be selfish of me to say, but it helps me on my bad days to see people I admire have their own bad days as well. However, I hope you don't have many more.
When it warms up a bit, want to meet up for a hike with the kiddos? Could be fun, and help with that dark shade of grey kind of day.

MiMi said...

You said five words that bring it all into focus: My time of the month. Sad but true.

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