I kid. I kid.
No really. I've got a kid in this bloated belly of mine that causes me to dash to the bathroom with number one urges all the time and after a lousy ultrasound experience I am dying to know what-the-hCG is in there. Boy? Girl? Parasitic alien larva??
Since I couldn't rely on my doctor to
Here are the results of my embryonic experiments (includes photographic evidence and field notes):
The "Intelligender" Gender Prediction Test
This "patent pending" at home urine test claims to be able to predict your baby's gender accurately. I read reviews on this product awhile ago and they seemed to be less than satisfying, but I just couldn't resist after watching THIS clip from The Doctors.
The price tag was steep enough that I am embarrassed to admit how much I spent on it. $39.95 Desperate times call for desperate measures, people. (Please excuse the pictures of human waste. All in the name of science, my dear Watson.)
Gender according to the Intelligender Gender Prediction Test: GIRL
The Draino Test
My friend Myya clued me in on this one. The idea is to mix urine with Draino and observe the color change. I found the official instructions HERE and I found the discrediting information HERE on Snopes.com. Forget the critics. All frontiers must be explored.
Gender according to the Draino Test: GIRL
The Chinese Calender Prediction Test
I have heard numerous people swear by this test. Go HERE to find the directions. Warning: You must have a college degree to decipher the results of this test as it requires you to configure your Chinese age and Chinese Lunar Conception Month. It's all
Gender according to the Chinese Calender: GIRL
The Older Sibling's Hairline Test
My friend Brittany told me about this Native American gender prediction test. You observe the hairline of the immediate older sibling of the baby. If the hairline is a V line, the baby will be the opposite gender than the older sibling. If the hairline is a straight line, the baby will be the same gender. Elle is the older sibling in this case. See what a willing participant she is in our research?
Brittany said we needed to look very closely as this test can be easily botched. It was difficult with a squirming, uncooperative toddler, but in my observations I concluded Elle has a V hairline.
Gender according to Older Sibling's Hairline Test: BOY
The Older Sibling's Clinginess Test
An old wives' tale claims that the clinginess of the older sibling during the pregnancy can predict the gender of the next baby. If the older sibling is more clingy than usual, the baby is of the opposite gender than the older sibling. If the older sibling is more independent, the baby is the same gender as the older sibling.
I believe the pictorial evidence below illustrates Elle's current level of clinginess.
Gender according to the Older Sibling's Clinginess Test: BOY
The Previous Pregnancy Past Test
Some say to figure out the gender of your current baby you only have to look so far as your own past. Are you carrying this baby similar to how you carried your previous babies? When I was pregnant with Dee, everyone commented on how huge I was (just what every pregnant lady wants to hear). With both girls, all I heard was how small I was, how you couldn't even tell I was pregnant. (So what you're saying is...I'm fat. Umm...thanks.) In this case, this pregnancy resembles my girls' pregnancies more than it does my son's.
Gender according to Previous Pregnancy Past: GIRL
The Daddy's Instinct Test
So far, Joe has guessed what each of our children's genders were before we ever saw the ultrasound pictures. He just knows.
Gender according to Daddy's Instinct: GIRL
The Mother's Instinct Test
So far, I have been wrong about each of our children. Every single time. Apparently my mother's instinct compass got discombobulated somewhere along the way. If you want to know what the gender is, ask me, listen to what I say I am absolutely sure it is...and think the exact opposite.
Gender according to Mommy's Instinct: I say BOY. So better make that GIRL.
To summarize my official and unquestionable scientific research:
Out of 8 gender prediction tests, tales, and 'tuitions, 6 gender prediction tests predict GIRL and 2 predict BOY
In short, the previously detailed research leads us to the conclusion that a baby girl is in our near future.
P.S. I had another ultrasound today...It's a GIRL! Make of that what you will Intelligender.