Passing On the Morning Baton and Who is the Poop Pro?

As a newlywed, I worked nights in the emergency department of our city's hospital. I loved my job! I loved my coworkers! One particular coworker was incredibly kind and generous to me and everybody else. I just couldn't understand how she did it all: worked full-time nights, went to school, mothered three little girls, and still managed to be among the living.

I asked her one day how she did it. She mentioned that her oldest was five and perfectly capable of taking care of herself while her tired mom was catching up on an hour or two of sleep. Not having any experience with children of my own yet and knowing this lady was anything but a deadbeat mom, I figured five must be the magical age a child could start taking care of themselves in such things as serving food for themselves and getting ready for the day.

Then I had a five year old...


NO WAY!

But this morning when my five year old Dee walked into my bedroom at 6:51 am asking to be fed and dressed I was compelled to conduct a little experiment. I had been up multiple times through the night with his two younger sisters and in no mood to leap from my warm bed to wait on him.

I also keep remembering (with a slight sense of horror) that in a very short three months there may be another little sister (or brother) here wreaking havoc on my night time peace and morning mentality. It was high-time to see if my co-worker friend was onto something.

"Dee, you do it."

"What???"

"You're a big boy. You go find your clothes and get dressed. Then eat breakfast and brush your teeth."

"Are you sure, Mom?"

"Positive. Now go and do."

Sounding a little unsure: "Well oooookay, Mom."

I laid in bed, refusing to open my eyes, but certainly not about to fall asleep again. Let's see listen how this goes.

In fifteen seconds he was back. "Mom, I can't find my pants."

"Then go eat breakfast first." I heard him wander back to the kitchen.

"Mom, I can't find a bowl."

"They are in the dishwasher, Dee."

"Okay."

In a few seconds I heard the clothes dryer opening. "They're not here, Mom".

"That's the clothes dryer, Dee! Check the dishwasher where the dishes usually are."

"Found one!"

Pretty soon I heard the glass tap of one bowl on the table immediately followed by the metallic tap of a spoon. Then a second glass tap and a second metallic tap. Then a third. And a fourth. Knowing full well a mess was in the making, I chose to snuggle down deeper in my blankets and leave the boy to his own devices. Besides if I hover we may never know if he can truly do this.

Soon the sound of cereal and milk could be heard. So, the boy can feed himself. Interesting.

In minutes he was back in search of pants. Knowing I had just washed every last piece of clothing in our house the day before, I informed him there was a clean dry pair in the dryer. You know, the dryer... where we keep bowls.

With eyes still clenched shut, I hear him wander back in claiming he was dressed (looks like he can dress himself too...who knew?) and wanting me to help him get his boots on.

"Go brush your teeth first". Teeth brushed. Add brushing teeth on the list of things Mommy no longer has to supervise.

Since he had brushed his own teeth I felt certain his face was in a state of disarray. No peeking yet. "Go get a washcloth and wash off your face".

"Okay Mommy...{water running}...All done!" Well that was easy.

Then he was back at my side, boots in hand. If I could have figured out a way to tie them with my eyes shut, I may have done it. Instead I opened them to see how my big five year old had done.

He looked good! And happy!


I sneaked a glance at the clock. And all done in twenty minutes?! That's got to be a record! All ready and no "Come on Dee! You need to hurry. Dee! You are going to be late! Hurry up!"

Looks like my friend was right: Five year olds are capable of taking care of themselves!

Just not the rest of the house...






Extra points to Dee for putting his bowl "in" the sink after breakfast.


And bonus points for feeding his sisters too!


Let's not forget Mommy! Extra points to Mommy for letting go and not hovering! And bonus points for having enough time to take a shower before school!

*** *** ***

Lest you thought I forgot... Are you wondering who won the diaper game? Who is The Poop Pro??


No one guessed Milky Way MIDNIGHT (the only kind of Milky Way worth human consumption...in my humble opinion), but I won't hold that against you. Many of you came close. But only one person got all four.

The person who performed with the most particular poop prowess was...Lisa from The Thomas Tribe! With two kids and one on the way, I imagine she's changed a few diapers...or eaten a few chocolate bars. Either way, CONGRATS TO LISA! Your prize will be in the mail shortly.

Thanks everybody for the "poop" play! Now, who's hungry? Maybe Dee could make my lunch too...

Because Sometimes Poop is Just Dang Funny.

Being a mom, you just kind of have to have a sense of humor about poop.

Because really there is nothing funny about the never-ending messy diapers, the explosions, the smell, finding nasty brown messes in mysterious and well-hidden (or almost as bad: not-so-well-hidden locations). But if you don't laugh, you cry...or puke, right?

But maybe poop can be funny. Just look at what it takes to keep a bunch of Scouts interested at day camp.


Or how about my favorite baby shower game?


Have you ever played this game at a baby shower? The game involves passing around diapers full of "poop" and guessing what's really in the diaper. Have you ever watched a room full of "ladies" examining and sniffing "poopy" diapers? Now, you can't tell me that that's not funny.

Can you guess what the "poop" is here? No smelling or touching allowed! (Hint: All four "specimens" are fairly common candy bars). How about we make a little contest out of it, eh? Whoever can guess all the diapers right, gets a prize in the mail from me. And no, I won't leave it in a flaming paper sack on your doorstep in the middle of the night. Just leave your answers in a comment below. If there are more than one people with particular poop prowess, I'll pick with the help of random.org.

Are you game?


And speaking of baby showers, my sister Erin and her husband Kip came up with this hilarious little baby shower favor for our little sister's recent baby shower.


Here's the how to:

You will need one washcloth, one diaper pin, and a handful of tootsie rolls.


Fold the washcloth in half to make a triangle.


Fold up bottom.


Fold in both sides, overlapping over bottom and each other.


Pin bottom and sides with one diaper pin.

Prop up "diaper" and fill with unwrapped tootsie rolls. You could leave the candy wrapped too, but unwrapping them makes it so much more visually...appealing?


See! Poop can be funny!

Speaking of poop, looks like Elle could use some "attention", if you know what I mean.

{sigh} You know how a joke can get really old? Yeah.

Fumbling-to-Find-the-Fun Friday Flop

You wanna know what's fun?: Going "home" for a visit.

You wanna know what's NOT fun?: Going home for a visit because of a funeral.


Fun: Thrift-store shopping!!

Not fun: Guiltily admitting to your husband that you spent $100 at Deseret Industries alone (and trying not to blab about the money spent at the other two thrift stores, antique shop, and fabric store).


Fun: Eating fresh, warm cheese soup from your favorite hometown bakery on the way out of town.

Not fun: Eating the first bite of your fresh, warm cheese soup and then hearing your son who is sitting in the back seat of the van announce that he has just thrown up.

Even more not fun: Watching, frozen in place with shock and disgust, as he continues to empty his stomach of everything he ate over the past three days...all over himself and the back seat of the van you were planning on traveling in for the next five hours.


Fun-ny: Thinking, "How could I tactfully get a picture of this for the blog without my husband being irritated at my need to share everything about my life?".

Not fun-ny: Deciding it wouldn't be worth the marital discord for one nasty shot of your son and backseat covered in puke only to hear your husband suggest an hour later it would have been a "funny" thing to get a picture of.


Fun: Eating fresh corn on the cob from your mom's garden.

Not fun: Realizing it's all gone.


Fun: Getting home after a trip so you can sleep in your own bed and hang out in your underwear again.

Not fun: No longer being able to ignore this...
or this...
or this...


Fun: Rubbing bellies with your pregnant sister.


Not fun: Realizing for the millionth time that you are fatter than your sister even though she is twice as pregnant. (See how cool we are flashing how many months pregnant with our hands.)


Fun: Getting to see your baby on ultrasound.

Not fun: Having a sleepy baby, pushy placenta, and cranky doctor who is "too busy" to take the time to show you the ultrasound or find out if your baby is a he or a she. I may or may not have cried in my car afterwards out of pure frustration and disappointment. I'll never say! Looks like three more weeks of waiting to get to know my little one a little better. {sigh}


Super Fun!!!: Participating in Sami's Quince Quote game at Symmetry in Motion. Go check it out! It's easy to enter and even easier to get sucked into her blog fun/goodness!

Not fun: Realizing I actually knew this movie whereas I didn't know all the chick-flicks she has done in months past.

Super not fun: Not winning, but I'm not too worried about that this time. I've got a good feeling about this one. {fingers crossed}

What's so fun and not fun at your house these days???

MASH was right!

Anyone remember playing MASH???

You know...MASH! The elementary school game that foretold your future on paper. Would you live in a Mansion, Apartment, Shack, or House? And with which boy? (And you weren't allowed to pick all cute ones; you had to play fair by throwing in an icky one or two. Karma demands justice after all.) And driving how many kids in what kind of car? This game is thorough. It even predicts what city and what career you will have. Or whatever other things you must know about your future.

Remember now? Do girls still play this?? I sure hope so because guess what... It's true!

Who knew that I actually would end up driving a minivan and living in a shack...


...as a mommy of four kids...Did I just say four?


Yes. Yes I did.

But it's with the love of my life, "Joe"...


So that makes it all okay.

Wanna play?? Find the rules HERE to play it old school or go HERE to play online. BUT be careful! This game is powerful! Are you prepared for the consequences???

P.S. Now do you get why I have been such a delinquent blogger lately???