I Miss Blogging

And I might even be brazen enough to say blogging misses me.

It was one thing I was semi-good at and something that brought me a lot of joy. So why is it so dang hard to get to these days?

As each of my babies have made their grand entrance into the world, I have had to let go of something that was important to me. The time and effort of taking care of a new little one is nothing menial and something's gotta give. I can hardly resent my children. They, of course, are my number one priority. It's just the way of things.

With my first baby, Dee, it was scrapbooking.
With the second, Jeigh, it was my job as an Emergency Department Tech.
With Elle, it was card making.
And with Cee...blogging.

My hope is one day, some of those things will return to my daily life as my kiddos get a little older and more capable of doing things for themselves. For now, I'll grab my moments where I can get them.

So, I'm not here to make any grandiose promises that "I'm baaaack!". Let's just say, today was a good day because I got a few minutes to myself to indulge again in something I love.

Speaking of my day...It's been a productive one and I just want to record what happened so that on my not-so-productive days I can remember what it is to feel accomplished as a mom of four kids ages 8 and under.

6:45 am: Wakeup with Cee
Change and cuddle with Cee
7:00 am: Make sure kids are up and going
Prayers
Read scriptures
Eat breakfast
Check email and Facebook
Clean up sugar bowl explosion (Thank you Cee!)
Vacuum
Nag incessantly 
8:00: Take big kids to school
Bathe Cee
Clean bathrooms
Sanitize light switches, door knobs, and other surfaces
Get Elle ready for preschool
9:00: Send Elle off to preschool
Grind wheat and make bread
9:45: Run 4 miles on treadmill while catching up on "The Office"
11:00: Start second batch of bread
Bake first batch
Shower, dress, makeup
Phone call with sister
12:15: Out the door to deliver "thank you" bread and jam to someone who was an answer to a prayer
Pick up Elle from preschool/dance
12:30: Drop off dry cleaning
Share a Cafe Rio Wednesday Special (Chicken Tostadas!) with my little ladies 
Library drop-off and pick-up
1:15: Home again, jiggety, jig
Cee down for nap
Finish second batch of bread
SIT!!!
Plan, plan, plan
Read
Change and wash wet crib sheets
Comfort crying Cee
3:00: Pick up kids from school
Snack time
3:30: BLOG!
4:00: Homework
5:00: Make dinner
5:30: Eat dinner
5:45: Clean up dinner
6:15: Jeigh piano practice
6:45: Bath night
7:15: Bed time
Family scripture study
Reading
Prayers
Bedtime for four kiddos! 
8:15: Avoid thinking about No Bake Cookies and other chocolaty transgressions
9:00: Bed
Reading, Emails, Facebook, Mystery Manor
Sleep

Rinse, repeat and repeat and repeat and repeat...

Life is good!

When I said "I'm back" what I really meant was...

I'm really bad at this whole returning to the blogosphere thing, huh?

Ho hum.

This is where I spill out some side splitting tale about motherhood or some incredibly insightful truth about life or at least something clever or cute.

Maybe some cute baby pics???

Yeah. I got those. But you can only get so far with cute baby pics.

Been there. Done that.

And then did it again.

Enough with the baby.

Or the three year old sister who is upstairs in her bed bawling her eyes out as I write this because her mother had the audacity to put her to bed at 8 pm. Poor thing.

Let me be honest. This post is...pointless.

But you know what. I'm posting it anyway. Because tonight I got nothin'. Not a stitch left of funny, clever, or cute to give you.

Such is life of "Mommy".

Oh don't you worry your pretty little head. I'm just warming up. Someday I'll find my bojo again (that's mojo for blogging. Clever, no? Maybe I still got a little bit of something left in me.)

Until then...Let me direct you to this because it's just darn tootin' funny. And heaven knows we all need a laugh at the end of a day like this. Enjoy.

The Jolly Green Giant

I am a glutton.

A glutton for punishment.

and

if I was being honest (which I am especially today) just a plain glutton.

I'm a glutton for punishment because I did something kind of stupid.

I started another blog.

{nervous giggle} My husband is going to shoot me.

But wait! Gluttony for punishment is for a good reason! My new blog is my attempt at squashing the glutton right out of me.

I need to start a journey. And the blogger in me needs the reward of recording that journey.

So, here I go. And if you want to join me, I would gladly accept you as my companion.

Warning: It's probably going to get real ugly over there. It's going to be sweaty, whiny, venty, and probably hopefully a little boasty too. It's a take-me-as-I-am kind of thing.

Or should I say a take-me-as-I-become-a-better-"am" kind of thing?

schizo

Remember when you were little and your mom was yelling at you for taking shortcuts on your chores or lying about watching TV before your homework was done or putting a worm in your little brother's mouth?

Remember how the phone would ring while she was all red-faced and yelling?

Remember how she could stop mid-lecture and answer with a cheery little "Hello!"?

I remember.

And I remember resenting my mom for that. I remember thinking how phony she was answering the phone and being all friendly and chatty and polite when she was being "like so totally unfair" just a minute ago. (Because that's exactly how I talked when I was younger... *shakes head*)

I also remember how I vowed to NEVER do that.

Ha!

I totally do it now.

Isn't it funny how we change ourselves according to the situation we are in?

I would hope that I am honest. That I am consistent. That I am the same person no matter who I am talking on the phone with or hanging out with or chatting online with.

"To thine own self be true."

But I'm not.

I know I change for people.

I know I speak quieter and more formally with the older ladies at church than I do with a group of my friends. All loud and obnoxious, maybe even a bit off-colored.

I know my writing takes on a different tone when I'm venting to my mommy group on Facebook than when I'm writing to my family.

We may have graduated from high school, but we all do this, right?

We change ourselves, maybe mute or amplify parts of our personalities, according to who we are with at the time.

I observe bloggers doing this all the time in their post comments. You see a blogger that leaves the sweetest, nicest comment on one blog, but leaves the wankiest comments on another blog.

(Is wanky even a word? Maybe I better make sure I understand what that means before I use it. It just sounds "right" right there. Attention: Make up your own definition for "wanky".)

I'll be frank...When I see other bloggers do this, it irritates me.

Wanna know what irritates me more?

It really irritates me that I am tempted to rough up or prettify my comments according to whose blog I am commenting on and probably have actually done so on more than one occasion.

(Tell me I'm not the only one who does this.)

Someday, my goal is to be the same person no matter where I am. I suppose that goal will be achievable when I a) accomplish one of my Thirty goals in not caring what anyone but God and myself thinks about me and b) become happy and content with who I am.

*wince* Tough order.

One of the things I love/hate about blogging is that you never know who is reading. Whatever I post on here might be read by my best friend, my new friend, my neighbor, the youth I used to teach in church, my uncle, an ex-friend, my mom, an old boy friend, a stranger in Australia, who knows.

I'm always shocked when I visit my hometown and am approached by someone I haven't seen or talked to in years and they say something like "I love your blog! I read it all the time."

Honestly, my first reaction to this is not to be flattered, but to be afraid.

You do??? Did I write something stupid or offensive or too revealing or pathetic or mean or sappy or too religious or not enough religious or too sarcastic or...or...or...???

Of course once I work my way past those few frantic moments, then I blush a bit with pure happiness that someone is actually reading my little ol' blog.

I hope they read because here is where I am ME.

I hope that I consistently write in Evelyn-ese. That what I say on here is what I would say to you in person (if I could only speak as well as I write) whether we were at church or at a party or at the grocery store bumping into each other.

So...Do you think you are a blog schizo or a Stable Mable???

Lend me your thoughts. Me, Myself, and I would love to read them!

All Mixed Up and No Where to Go

The OCD in me just can't let this one slide.

We were out of town last weekend to see my newly returned missionary brother (yay!!). I had tried to schedule a few posts since I'm claiming to be back into my blogging groove and all, but my computer and Google are not on friendly terms these days. Therefore scheduled posts did not post.

I think I finally have all my ducks in a row. Or is that posts in their places?

However it is, I can't stand to not have them time stamped in their proper little places. *twitch, twitch*

So if you are feeling particularly playful and want to play hide and go seek with my blog today...

April 15th - Joe popped the big question.

April 17th- I got all high and mighty about my twenties.

April 18th- Happy birthday to me! To celebrate I made all sorts of crazy plans for the next decade.

And today...

Well, today I am trying to clean up...the house since we will have some company tonight and my mentality since it seems to be all sorts of murky and cluttered lately.

To be honest, I'm not doing so well at either so far.

We all have those days weeks, right? This isn't just a normal part of being thirty is it?

Help a girl out would ya'? What do YOU do to shake off a funk?

Good Things Come to Those Who Blog

But do I really need to convince you of that?

Chances are, if you are reading this, you already think blogging is pretty fantastic. It's those darn husbands that need the convincing, right?

No dear husbands. Despite what you may believe, blogging is not a modern mass movement to empty your wallets or take attention away from you and your manly needs or to bore you with stories about even more people you don't know. We promise.

Blogging is fun. Blogging is funny. Blogging is therapy. Blogging is connection. Blogging is cheering, sustaining, inspiring, touching, lasting.

Blogging is a way to connect with other women who just "get it".

This year has been one of the loneliest years I have ever experienced. I have yet to make any friends in our new town. I blame some of that on the language and culture barriers and some on how hectic it has been to tend to my own little garden patch of three kiddos and one on the way. In other words, it's my fault too.

How can one feel so lonely when so surrounded and busy? Believe me. It's possible. There has been many a day in the past year that I have felt like my only friends are those I know by pseudo names, digital pictures, and typed conversations.

Does that sound a tad pathetic to anyone else?

Wait. You're a blogger. You get it.

This last year especially, blogging has brought many a good thing to my life.

A chance to record memories and family history.
Friendships with now very dear friends.
Advice, wisdom, and experience beyond my own.
Paychecks earned while sitting in my jammies at home surrounded by my children.
A medium to express and share my self, my accomplishments, my struggles, and my joys with others who reach back, validate, sympathize, and balance me.

And how can I not mention the really marvelous packages (at least the most recent ones) that have floated over to my neck of the woods?

Very thoughtful packages like this one that was sent by Sarah Cardell after I wrote a post about persevering. Thank you so much Sarah. I choked up when I opened it. Can you believe I was already in need of a reminder?

Sympathetic packages like this one sent by Mamarazzi, a firm believer in "Good Mail", from one swap host to another...

Speaking of swaps, packages like this one from Cherie Bakow, my ornament swap partner through the ornament swap hosted by Carrie from The Rowdy Stroudys (who also sent a very thoughtful and fragrant parcel earlier this year that I am still enjoying daily in my car.) Thank you Cherie and Carrie!

And don't forget packages from past swap partners who have become incredible friends and who also happen to know how to put all sorts of fun into blogging with monthly contests and games. I {almost} blushed when I pulled out all my winnings from this box from Sami the other day. How can one girl get this lucky?

The prize for Symfully Sweet Saturday...

...and the prizes for Quince Quote. (How did she know I love Junior Mints?)

And a little extra love "just because". And a handmade card to boot?? Thank you Sami!

And thank you to all of you for the Christmas cards, the packages, the letters, the notes, the comments of humor and genuine love and concern. It has meant more than I can ever tell you through any post or package.

But I'll keep trying...

***The winner of the Snugalicious Giveaway thanks to Random.org was...

Lisa @ Little Angels with Dirty Faces!

Merry Christmas Lisa and Lisa's arms! The snuggie is in the mail! ***

Putting My Club Foot Forward

You know how we all write about "those" bloggers???

You know the ones... The popular ones with beautiful blog layouts, bigger-than-life pictures, droves of followers, fancy schmancy ideas, and loads of time on their hands which they fill by spending ridiculous amounts of quality time with their perfectly dressed and groomed children, building Eiffel Tower replicas out of popsicle sticks or single-handedly saving a third-world village through a handmade headband fundraiser. That or working out and running 15 miles every morning to maintain that pre-baby body for their super hot, super successful "DH", or skillfully refurbishing every piece of wood, fabric, or metal within a 100 mile-radius.

Those ones.

Well, if you've read much of my blog, you know I am not one of "those" bloggers. Where they like to put their best self on screen, I go for a different technique.

If I tried to put my best foot forward this would be the most boring blog on the planet. I could see it going something like this...

"Look, look 13 followers! I did the laundry today!"


Or "Hey! Comment on how I finally got those dishes washed AND put away! Woohoo!"
Or maybe, I would tell you how awesome I was to get this cupboard cleaned, all the while knowing those papers simply transplanted to one big fat laundry basket to be sifted through "later". But I would NEVER tell you that because I am the "perfect" housewife and mother, remember? At least that's what my blog would tell you.
Or I would tell you how I bathe the kids twice a week or how everyone's teeth are brushed or how we {try to} say prayers every day or how perfect my children are.

So. Not. Interesting.

It's so much funnier to see the chaos, the drama, the big fat FAIL, don't you think? That's because I assume you are laughing WITH me, not AT me. Which you are, right? RIGHT?! Besides, sometimes your comments show that you RELATE. You mean you live real lives too???

I love telling you about all the spilled milks and the public nudities and the maniacal neighbor girls. Plus, who wants to hear their own horn tootin' away all the time? Booooorrrring.

And you do get that I tend to be sarcastic on here sometimes, right? Example: my husband are NOT even close to divorce over the $100 I spent at DI. On the contrary, I think he was grateful for all the back-to-school clothes I found. I know sarcasm doesn't translate so well onscreen sometimes, but honestly, in real life, I am not such a failure. Not always.

I don't feel the need to post it on here every day, but TODAY, I want to say:

I mess up a lot and do so many stupid things. I can be lazy and grouchy.

BUT! BUT!

I am a good person. I am a good wife. I am a good mom. I do good things.

Like what you say? Well...

I read to my kids.
I take them to the library.
I work to expose my children to different events and cultures and foods.
I take them to the park at least once a week, if not more.
I try new recipes.
I wash bed sheets often.
I teach those kids to say thank you and please.
I help them make thank you notes when they receive gifts.
I don't let them watch Nickelodeon or Cartoon Network.
I kiss my husband everyday.
I give breastfeeding a good solid 9 months before calling it quits.
I don't let my kids eat tons of junk.
I never forget to feed my kids. (Now, as for my husband...)
I keep taking three irreverent children to church each week by myself because I know it's the right thing to do.
I don't let my kids listen to Lady Gaga. (So what if they know the words to "Single Ladies"?!)
I don't smoke, drink, or do drugs in front of my kids. (Do I need to clarify I don't do it not in front of them either?)
I teach my kids how to fold their clothes, put their dishes in the sink, wash their hands, and flush the toilet.
I enlist their aid in cleaning house.
I make them dress themselves.
I take care of the paperwork and bills.
I try to express to my husband OFTEN how grateful I am for his hard work at his job.
I tell my kids I love them EVERY day.
I teach my children that all people are Children of God and deserve to be loved and respected.

What good do YOU do?

It's not a contest. It's not arrogance. It's not something I'm likely to repeat much. It's just a Monday morning proclamation that behind this cranky, crusty, snarky, lazy, failing blog front there is a mom/wife/girl who is TRYING to do some good in the world.

How about you? Come on. Don't be shy! I know you do good things too! Tell us all about it!

Let me re-phrase that...

I do not "hate" blogging.

That and I really need to learn how to filter myself before I start writing. But maybe that's why some people like to read my blogs...Let's see what other stupid things Evelyn can say without realizing it.

"Hate" is a rather strong word, isn't it? For example, I totally HATE coconut and snakes and child molesters and Farmville invites on Facebook and that group of girls that were so mean to me in junior high. (Time heals all wounds?? Maybe in another twenty years.)

But hate blogging?

No.

How could I hate something that has brought me so much joy and opportunity to express myself? And friends! Blogging is about connecting people. People who encourage you when you say dumb things like "I hate blogging". People (my sister actually, who although a mom herself, I believe still qualifies as a "people") who coincidentally send you ideas and sketches for a new blog header that instantly taps into some deeply stashed creative juices.

I liked what some of you said about not letting blogging become a chore. Sometimes I get a little too big for my britches and begin thinking things like "But my public neeeeeds me!"

Eh...No you don't. Pretty sure I'm not on your mind 70% of your day. I'm betting you make decisions without first consulting my blog for direction. I imagine you even stalk other blogs more frequently than my little neck of the blogosphere. At least that's what my therapist was telling me the other day.

So! No, I do not "hate" blogging. I will not let it become a "chore". I will use it freely in a very selfish manner, doing myself a service and not deluding myself into thinking it is a public service. I will embrace writer's block as a gracious device that will allow me to dedicate myself to other areas of my life such as laundry and meal planning and morning showers. I will continue to read and admire others' blogs whilst simultaneously feeling pride and expressing individualism in my own blog.

Aaaahhh. Now doesn't that feel better? I think we have made a lot of progress today...

Anyone else need the couch now??